On The Road Again

Well, here we go again. I feel like singing that old country song - "On the Road Again". I know I'm showing my age, but at least the ages keep coming at this point.

I had written a note a couple of weeks ago and of course kept messing it up for some reason or another and could never get it to post - Now I know why - this message needed to be posted instead.

Race for the Cure in Knoxville is coming up, and I was writing about that, and it is very important, more important now than ever, but my news is just as important.

My cancer is back in my brain again and it is all over - all over basically meaning they have to do what is called "whole brain" radiation now. There are now no more options to radiation. There are too many lesions. And where some of the lesions are located, it is too dangerous to try to do the Cyberknife procedure they did to me last year after the initial brain surgery.

I received this news last Friday, Oct. 5th; saw my Radiation Oncologist on Monday, Oct. 8th; and started treatments on Tuesday Oct. 9th. I am now in another whirlwind again - or on the road again.

This really came as a complete shock because I had just had an MRI of the brain 2 months ago and all the doctors felt it looked good; that there was no change. There were still the same left over things from the original surgery and a few spots here and there that they had been supposedly "watching", but other than that, they were not worried. Then I go in and boom - it's back; it's all over; and you have to have whole brain radiation. Then next, my Oncologist informs me he is going to perform a lumbar puncture procedure right there in his office - right then - at that moment. I'm like, okay? This was to check to see if there were any cancer cells floating around in my spinal fluid - and if this came back positive, then I would have to start more chemo as well.

Well, I go into my "let's just make jokes through this mode". He starts cleaning off my back and says something about getting the solution on my shirt. I said you better not have because I bought this shirt in Indonesia and you will have to buy me another one. He said no big deal, all my shirts say "made in Indonesia" in them. I said, no, I bought this one "in" Indonesia. Then at other times I would do or say things and he would just laugh. He said he had never had anyone joke around so much while he was sticking needles in their back. I thought, well, it was either laugh or cry, so I chose laugh - it is much more fun. And I got his age out of him, but I can't say it on my blog, that wouldn't be fair. But it took a lumbar puncture to get it out of him, I was excited. It was funny.

So, radiation treatments are not that bad. They are beginning to make me a little nauseated and of course the same old very, very tired. All my hair will fall out, and I just got it back again. But oh well, it is beginning to turn cold, so I'm going to look for a good long haired wig - I think. I don't know. I think I'll try to make it fun. These treatments may make me sicker, just because I'm so close behind other treatments. But we'll see.

My number one praise right now is that the Lumbar Puncture came back negative! And I can say that with a little more praise in my voice right now. So, that means that there are NO cancer cells in my spinal fluid!!! Did I say Praise the LORD!! So, no more chemo - at least not right now.

But, my spirit is way, way, down. I am so very tired. My gas tank is on empty. My light is flashing. I told God that I know He gives us all the strength we need and that it is all Him, but that He is going to have to give me something because right now I can't take another step. But I do have great doctors and Friday one of them prayed with me - for God to give me strength.

So, that is the number one thing a need right now. I can't lift anybody up anymore. I want to so bad. I don't want anybody to be sad about this or bring anybody down. I want to work for the Lord. There is so much to do. I know I need to find other ways to do that, and I have already been working toward that direction - this blog is one thing - articles - I wrote my great niece a book - I'm still working on my story (which just so happened to begin 4 years ago Oct. 10th). So, I have some things in mind. Which, if I think about it, I probably should hurry and get them out, because they may be coming out faster than I want them to. My doctor did say I would have short term memory loss with this. So, if my next blog says the same thing - just ignore it! :)

But I need all your arms to hold me up right now. I love you all.

There are several verses that have been coming at me lately:

Matt. 19:26

Josh.1:9

and others about not being afraid. I will share with you as God does, so you can pray them with me.

Again, I love you all and I will keep you updated - probably doubly more now :)