I'm Back - And It's Back!

Hello Everyone!! I pray everyone had a blessed Christmas, knowing that the best present under the tree is Jesus. I pray for everyone to have a happy, healthy, and blessed 2008!

Yes, around Dec. 7th I noticed some definte weakness in my legs beginning to worsen quickly. My sister had taken my Mother and I to Opryland Hotel and to see the Rocketts Christmas program. That was sooo beautiful. It was there I ended up having to get a wheelchair at one point, because the legs would just not move. We got back late Saturday night; I called the doctor Sunday Morning and he immediately put me in the hospital. Ran tests and the few tumors they had been watching had grown, plus numerous others had grown as well. They are laying along the "dura", which is a protective covering around our spinal fluid. Unfortuntantely, the tumors are in the spinal fluid, but most all of them are small. So, I've been going through radiation to my spine. Then, one day my Dad was taking me to radiation. We were sitting at a red light, there was a car behind us, waiting too. Well, this third car comes behind her apparently looking somewhere else - had no idea what was going on- did not even try to stop - ran into the car behind us and knock her into us. So, that lady knock two sitting cars into the intersection. Luckily, my Dad and I both had our seat belts on -- if not, we would have hit the windshield hard. Both of our necks and heads were going back and forth. There was a lot of traffic that day, so we were able to move the cars to the nearest parking lot - we had plenty of witnesses! I called my Radiologist's office and they told me not to move - well, like I was really going to anyway. I thought, this would be great to have a broken kneck right now. So, I got to have my first Ambulance ride! It wasn't that great though because I couldn't turn my head to look around. I just looked at the top of the ceiling the whole time. I think the driver took the longest route to the hospital too. I kept asking, "are we almost there yet?" Well, I had to go through more scans and more scans. Everything was fine - but they did find a couple more tumors in the "C" spine. Not big and they have just added that on to my current radiation. So, something good came out of it. It has definitely been crazy lately.

It has taken me a while to realize that I am going through cancer treatment again. It just doesn't seem real. But I know that God is right here beside me fighting this battle for me. He has shown me several verses lately -- 2 Chron. and 2 Peter. How I just have to watch Him and He will do the fighting and after I have suffered for a while, He will bring me back to strength and health. I just have to hang onto His promises.

So, add me to all your prayers lists again. I'm really tired from everything, plus radiation makes you tired, but I'm up too late right now, so that's not good. I promise I will update soon on more specific ways to pray.

Thank you all again for your love and concern and especially your prayers,

Kim Wilson

"with God ALL things are possible"

Good Results!!

Good Results!!

Sorry it has taken me so long to update everyone on the results, but I'm like that these days, very slow. I guess that's what happens when you get old and have your brain radiated about 4 or 5 times. I leave myself notes everywhere, but then I forget where I left them. It's crazy.

But anyway, The spots in my brain are basically undectectable now. They don't show up unless you knew where they had been. PTL! There are still a few going down my spine that show up slightly with the contrast, but they said it was very light. Then there is one near the bottom of my spine that is still lighting up pretty good, but there is not change in size. If it keeps showing up, they may do a biopsy of it to see if it is cancer or not. That sounds like a lot of fun doesn't?Sticking a needle in your back ~ I don't think so. But, oh well, I've had everything else poked and praded on me, what's one more!

I'm still seeing double and triple vision - sometimes sideways too. That's real fun. That's when I have to just stand where I am or sit down until it comes back ~ or if I didn't I would probably be arrested for public intoxication. I am so unsteady, it's crazy - and that's when I am seeing normal, just think what I'm like when I'm seeing double and triple. But it just comes and goes when it wants to. I've have found nothing that brings it on. It's really crazy if I'm in a store and it starts, sometimes I can close one eye and see fairly normal, but then if someone walks up and looks at me - they just kind of look and walk away; like is she deformed or something. Or if I have to ask someone where someting is and it happens to be a male worker, he will just look at me; wondering if I'm winking at him or something. It just cracks me up!So, I have an appointment to see an opthomologist this coming Monday Dec. 3. Maybe he will be able to give me a little more information on how to deal with this or something that can be done to correct it. The doctors believe that the optic nerve may have been damaged either by 1 or all 3 or these: the tumor itself; the surgery removal of it; or the Cyberknife that was done afterwards to finish getting all of it. So hopefully this doctor will be able to tell me something.Thanks for all your prayers -- God is still working Miracles. Remember to look for them everyday. And each night before you go to bed, thank Him for this day that He has given you to live. Live each day to its fullest, because we never know what tomorrow holds.Please keep up the prayers. Spots can continue to pop up, so I still have to have scans every 3 months. We know God can keep them away if that's what He wants. I'm still on oral chemo. I'm trying to get muscle tone back in my legs. I have absolutely no muscle tone in my legs. I have exercises to do to try to build that back up. I sure hopes it starts helping soon. I fall all the time in the house, well not all the time, but sometimes. Luckily, I haven't fallen out anywhere - yet! I have been doing some speaking engagements lately and I love doing that. I have been praying and sitting and waiting on God to guide me in what His purpose is for me right now. I continue to read His Word and wait, but I also tell him what I would like to do, but if He doesn't me to do that, then show me what it is. Well, it wasn't long after that that the lady who checks me out at my oncologist's office asked me to speak at her church; the lady next to her asked if I could at her church; I have spoken twice at my church; and most recently at my Uncle Jimmy & Aunt Sara's Jolly Elders class. I just love that name. That has been great and something I want to continue to do and get better at - especially at letting Christ shine through me while I speaking and giving God the glory for why I'm still here. I also have a heart to speak to younger women. So pray that will happen. And then of course, I'm still writing "My Story" - wow, I did not know it took this long. I'm going to have to just stop at some point, then start the second saga I guess. But it is something I want to get out to everyone, but especially young women, younger than 40. But educating women of all ages is number one.I was interviewed on one of our local stations here about "My Story" and it went great. I asked the anchor guy what he would be asking and what he wanted me to talk about. And the first words out of his mouth were, "How your faith in God has given you the strength to make it through this." I about fell over. I said really?, I can talk about that? He said, yes, it is your story, so you can say whaterver you want. He said that that is what he wanted the people to hear. I'm trying to get copies of it now, so when I do, I'll send some down to NOBTS.

I've also been making little crafts and selling them. Not a multi-million dollar business yet, but it's enought for a sandwhich now and then. Who knows, maybe they will take off. Continue to pray for:

1. my Mother. She has been to see another doctor about her hip and she is so hopeful that he will beable to do something. Pray she doesn't get too down if he can't.

2. Pray for my step-father who is trying to take care of both my Mother and me.

3 I'm also having land-lord problems -- there were no "M" housing available when I arrived, nor near my family. And since I can't drive - I'm pretty much stuck - and rent it not low.

4. that no new spots will show up anywhere -- for a long, long, time - or forever. (God can do what He says He can do)

5. my doctors appointment wth the opthomologist

6. that I will continue to be asked to speak

7. that Ican finish something in writing soon

Thank you ALL again. Prayer is definitely working.

"Now this is the assurance that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, we know that we know that we have what we have asked Him for." I John 5:14-15

P.S. I'm going to try to send you all some pictures of of new great nephew; my new great niece; and of course, my pretend new Johnson nephew.

Blessings to you all,

Kim

As you can see, I could only get one on here. But I will try to get my new ones in the next blog.

Quick Note and Prayer Request

I wanted to write a quick note this morning to ask everyone to pray today, because I am having more scans today - 10/31. I am having an MRI of the brain and the spine. I have been having more double vision lately and sometimes triple. Now that's real easy to walk when you get that -- not. But the double & triple vision just comes and goes. It will just appear and then only last about 5 to 7 minutes. So, my oncologist said it was making him nervous, so he wanted more scans. He had said after the last two scans were good, or rather no change, that he may let me go until the first of the year to have more scans, unless something made him nervous -- so, I've went and made him nervous.

So, pray there are no new tumors and that maybe an explanation can be found for the vision problems.

Lately I have been reading through some verses I wrote in a journal when I was first diagnosed and a lot of them come from the Old Testament, which I tend to like more; I like learning the meaning of the Hebrew words. First there is Joshua - of course - Be strong and courageous - ". . . Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

And: "I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness." Isaiah 42:6-7

Then my favorite that I have found recently: ". . . For the battle is not yours, but God's. . . . You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you . . . Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you."
2 Chronicles 20:15b-17. I just love that picture of God standing there and fighting for me; of Him holding my hand.

These have given me strength lately. And pray that others will see God and His Holy Spirit in me in everything I do. That's what He all wants us to do.

Sorry for the quick note, but I won't know the results until Nov. 9th, unless he calls before that. So, we can pray I won't get a phone call, unless it is good, and that I will be able to wait until Nov. 9th without going crazy.
I will definitely let everyone know the outcome.

Other quick requests:
1. Pray for a friend of mine; His name is Rusty. He had mouth cancer several years ago and he went to the doctor last week and it has returned again. He and his family need our prayers.
2. My neice, Holly, had a scare after having her first baby. Her blood pressure went up to 250 over something. They finally got it to come down, but that was pretty scary there for a while. But continue to pray she stays well - as well as her new baby.
3. Speaking of new babies, my friend, Elizabeth and Billy had their second child on Monday, Oct. 28th. They are both doing great. His name is Jesse Benjamin.

Thanks again for your prayers and encouragement.
Many blessing for today,
Kim :)

Continue to pray and join

Hello everyone, again.
I know it is a miracle that I am writing this much and so soon.
But, my Uncle passed on this morning around 5 a.m. It has been a very long day. The nurses got us all up when he was about to pass, so we were all there with him. Everyone did pretty good, because we had all told him our good byes and told him to go on now. The hardest part was when they took him out of the house. That's when the finality really set in.

So pray for our family since this is also the one year annviversery of the murder of their granddaughter and my cousins only child.

Thank you all and I will keep you all updated again.

Don't forget about "kimskrusaders" - donations or team member. :) hurry, hurry, hury!!!

Kim
Phil. 4:13

Pray and Join

Hello Everyone!
I am down in Atlanta now. I got down here like that race where you hand off the baton. One person took me to Athens, TN; they then took me to Dalton, GA where we met the third person who took me on to my Aunt's house. It was kinda fun.
They got my uncle home. He is in a hospital bed in the living room. The nurses are all great. We just had one at night at first, then realized that we couldn't do it by ourselves during the day, so we have two more who are sharing day shifts. They started today and are very nice too.
Continue to pray for my uncle and the rest of the family. He's having a lot of pain and can't get good rest. Pray for my aunt as well, she's having a really hard time excepting that this is it.
I sit with him a lot and we have good talks. The nurses said to try to keep him talking as much as possible, because he wants to sleep so much he could slide into acoma. They said even if he is asleep, wake him up and make him talk to you. So, were doing pretty good. Getting into a rythm now - still working on that though, but getting better.

ALSO, I need your help still with Race for the Cure. Continue to sign people up and get donations. I'm very behind in donations. Remember, big companies want to give, but if they're not asked, they don't know who to give to. We need to join together as a team and work hard to make this the best year yet!!! I know we all can do it. Thanks for your help so far.

I'll keep you all informed.

I found this in a book I'm reading today by Anne Graham Lotz called "Life is . . . Just Better . . . with Jesus"
She says "He(Jesus) is the foundation on which we build our lives . . . the Rock on which we stand. His faithfulness is new every morning and fresh every evening. Eternity will not be enough time to thank Him for Who He is and what He has done - for you - and for me."
Amen?

Continue to Pray

I wanted to update everyone on my Uncle. His liver seems to be shutting down more, but they are going to go ahead and send him home and get a nurse to stay 24/7. I got to talk to him on the phone yesterday. I was so excited, because I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to talk to him before he went home to be with the Lord. We had a good talk. He would ask me things 2 or 3 times, but that's okay. He would make jokes. I told him I was coming down there as soon as I could, probably next week. He said good, we can just lay around and watch movies together. I said that sounded great to me. I pray that gets to happen, but if not God has a much better plan.
Continue to pray for my Aunt Polly, Nancy & Jack, and Alan as they go through this. Pray especially for Alan's salvation.

Continue to tell everyone you see to sign up for my team for Race for the Cure!!! kimskrusaders. I think that's how you have to put it in to find it, with no spaces and lower cases. But if not, just put my name in. Donations are not great either. We are definitely still behind on that. But thanks so much for helping me with this and praying for my family and I will keep you all updated.

I'm supposed to have some friends come visit me this weekend ~ and I am SO EXCITED!! If only the rest of the gang were coming too, it would be like old times. Me beating Celeste in card games. That was just so much fun. he,he,he, Just kidding - she always won.
Better run for now - talk soon,
Love and blessings
Kim Wilson
"I am with you always." Matt.28:20

Hey Everybody!!! I'm Back!

Sorry it has been so long since I have written anything. Between Dr.'s appointments; scans; writing notes and letters; and more dr.'s appointments and more scans - it is hard to find time to concentrate on the computer. But don't stop writing or emailing -- I love gettting them -- just remember, it may take me a while to return the note. Hearing from people helps me to feel still apart of something besides the sick world.
And now I'm getting ready for the RACE FOR THE CURE again. I can't believe it has already been a year. This year will be my 5th year. That is a big milestone for those fighting breast cancer. But if you can make it to 5 years or longer then you have a better chance at beating this thing. There are still a few spots left in my head, but they are not growing and some are shrinking or just gone away. So, that is great. Some doctors are calling it a miracle - imagine that? God still performing miracles today? Who would imagine. I'm being sarcastic, but seriously, it seems people today have stopped believing in miracles and that God is still working. "God is bigger than the boogy man and He's watching out for you and me!"

Let's see - my niece, Heather, had a baby boy on . This will make her and her husband Chip with 3 children now. Taylor the oldest turns 8 on 14th of Sept. My niece Holly is due with her first around the first of October. Her husband is Travis. They all are trying to drive me even more crazy than I already am. I can't remember all these names.

I'm still taking chemo. This is oral chemo. It's not quite as bad as the IV kind, but some weeks or worse than others. But as long as it is working, I'll keep taking it, because I have a God
who gives me the strength each and every day ~ sometimes momement by if I need it.

I have learned a lot this second bout with cancer. And I again thank Him so much for all that I have learned through it. Sure cancer and the treatment is no party by any means (except when I make stuff to eat and we do have parties at the Cancer Center) but I would not trade what I've learned for nothing. I know I still have a lot to learn and a lot of growing to do, we should be striving for that.
I've had a few speaking opportunities and it just amazes me how God will give me the words. Once recently, I had been in bed all weekend and had to speak Sunday night. Well, on Sunday I got up at 2pm and showered and tried to prepare as much as possible. Then when I got up to speak, I know it was God speaking through me, because I really wasn't that prepared -- especially to do the whole service. But it turned out great.

I have almost learned to be still and just listen and wait on God to move me. I found a quote from Kathi Tracoli that says: "God did not put us on this earth for our purpose, but for HIS."

Lately I've been so blessed by old friends coming and helping me. I again just praise God and thank Him for helping me.

Well, that's about all I have time for now. I will try to write more often.
Remember to pray about joining my RACE FOR THE CURE team "kim's krusaders" or just donate. ". . . with God all things are possible." Matt.19:26

Prayer requests:
1. Some friends of mine that I knew overseas are coming to visit me next weekend. Pray for their safety as they drive (and that they find their way here :))
2. Also pray for my Uncle AG. He is in the hospital. He only has one kidney and it is shutting down. They also think he has liver cancer.
3. Pray for my niece Holly and her pregnancy. (she is due late Sept. early Oct.) She has gestational diabetes.
4. Pray for a friend of mine and their marriage.
5. I am speaking again Sunday night. Pray God's Holy Spirit will just fill me as I speak and everyone there so they see Him and not me. Give me the strength and words.

I love you all and thank you again for your
continued support and prayers.
Don't forgort about the RACE! :)

Love,
Kim :)

God Loves Even Me

Hi everyone! I'm in Atlanta visiting family right now, which is Memorial Day. I'll be here for at least a week. I'm just happy to be outside of Knoxville for a change; or happy to be outside my house. I really want to go overseas, but since I can't drive or fly , I guess I'll take a boat. Anybody know of a boat I can borrow. If anybody knows me, they know that I will find a way.

So far so good on the doctors visits. I have gained 2 pounds - yeah!!! The medicine they gave me to have an appetite though taste awful! I had to take it back to the pharmacy and have them add flavor to it. It's a liquid. I was standing in line with the little kids to get my medicine flavored. Well, now I can swallow it without spitting it back out - I don't know how that would help anything. I started my 3rd or 4th round of chemo this past Saturday the 26th, so 2 more weeks again. My oncologist said we would schedule scans the next visit. But I don't want to think about that -- we will just pray about it instead. I have gone to the Cheesecake Factory to eat since I've been here. Oh my! It was very good. Well, I have to gain weight!

Some friends of mine in Knoxville and I are going to the beach June 16 - 23. I'm very excited. I haven't had a real vacation in a long time. Please pray I will stay healthy enough to go and healthy while I am there to enjoy myself. Pray for our safety as we travel as well.

To be where I am today is a miracle. I've got to enjoy each day while I can. He has blessed me so much. This October I will have hit my 5 year mark. I was diagnosed Oct. 10, 2002. At the time I had a 30% chance of making it 5 years. It's not all gone, but almost. We must pray that these next scans will show nothing there at all. I don't know why, but God me enough to keep me here a little longer. I wrote a little poem and felt God wanted me to share it with you all. It may not be a good poem; you may not like it; but maybe something in it will speak to you. If the Lord wanted me to share it, then maybe He has something to say to someone through it.

God Loves Even Me
God's love is sufficient
God's love is free
God's love extends to even me.
Love is patient
Love is kind
God's love is like
One you will never find
By searching here on earth
Only in your heart
Is where God's love starts
God's love never fails
He hugs you when you're
at your end
He holds on to you through
thick and thin
He'll see you through
every snare
You can be sure God
always will be there.
Trust Him with all you heart
He knows where you are going.
Live for Him everyday in everyway.
Share His love
for all to see
The love Jesus has
for you and even me.

Thank you all for reading my blog.
Thank you for your prayers and encouragement more than anything.

Blessings,
Kim Wilson
"(Love) . . . bears all things, believes, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7

My Father's Touch

Hello to everyone and thank you for praying!!

We are going to pray this cancer out of my body!!

Well, how did that picture get in there??? I just don't know. BMW goes around the country each year and let's people test drive their cars; about 18 or 19 of them, and for every mile you test drive, they donate a dollar to the Susan G. Komen Foundation. I still can't drive, but a friend took me down there. I was just pretending I drove it.

This month has not been that exciting. Not in the hospital getting fluids every other day or anything like that.

I did find out that both of my neices baby's are good and healthy! Praise the Lord. I'm going to be a Great Aunt again, and again, and again, and again. Yes, I think that's right. One neice (Heather) has 2 with 1 on the way and the other neice (Holly) has her first one on the way. I was born late in the family!

Everything else seems to be going good. My dog is driving me crazy. No one told me that rat terriors are the wildest dogs made! I think she can jump 10 feet high some times. Well, that may be a little exacuration, but almost. And her toe nails -- oh my -- sharp as a stick pin. I ask the vet if they could cut them back anymore, as I stand there with scratches all over my body, and he said no, that's just how rat terriors toe nails are. Great! I said, wonderful. What else do I not know about rat terriors -- well, rat terrior/beagle mix. But then I just love her and laugh at her and she just loves me unconditionally. If I'm not feeling good, she wants to lay right there beside me or on me. She'll go outside and come straight back in to where I am. And she loves it outside. She will run from one side to the other, as fast as she can; and every once and a while she'll bark up in the air -- like this is my territory!! The other day, I kept hearing this beautiful chirping from some birds near my bedroom window. So, I slowly open the curtain so as to not scare them away; and it was redheaded woodpeckers. But they were pecking (every now and then) but just snging so pretty. Then I looked down and there was my dog (Bella) (that is her name, so if I refer to Bella or tell Bella stories, that's who I'm talking about) But she was looking up at those birds so intently. Now, I'm pretty it was because she wanted to eat them and they were too high and not because of the pretty singing. But I don't know - she's so smart. :)

I don't go to the doctor for another couple of weeks, so I'm just taking my chemo by mouth now and all this other medicine. He gave me something to increase my appetite. I didn't think I would ever need anything like that. After radiation I just started losing and I'm way down.

I want to come to New Orleans and visit so bad -- it may be a possibility soon - who knows??

I want to leave you with a poem that came to me one night. I go through stages of discouragement and times of happiness. I hope people see more happieness in me. But some people say they are glad that I get down, so they don't feel bad when they get down. But anyway, the LORD just spoke to me and I wrote it down. I wanted to share it with you:

MY FATHER'S TOUCH

LORD, you have taught me so much.
I cannot imagine You, my Lord and Savior
would use your time to give me a touch.

A touch that could heal me or
A touch that might not heal me, if you wish.

Not that's what I want. I want your will for me.
Now I see, I was so blind and busy to see
But all I want now is Your will to see.

It's not my will that You seek and died on the cross for;
It's Your will and Your will alone that I adore.

You adore it when You see us praying and reading Your Word
You adore it when you hear us singing ;
And especially adore it when one of Your lost falls to their knees
and cries LORD,LORD save me.

I may not understand why this is happening to me,
But I know You are holding my hand.
I may not understand why this is happening to me,
But I know You hold me when I cry.
I may not understand, but Father, You have taught me
To feel Your touch.

Father, I know this is not about me, but about the lost,
I'm just a vessel, not worthy of the assignment,
But if I had to d it all over again, just to feel My Father'Touch again;
I WOULD.

Kim Wilson

Please continue to pray for complete healing.

Pray I can be a witness to the lost wherever I go

Pray that whatever I do reflects the Father

Pray that I can be still and listen and Pray that for yourselves as well

Thank you all again for your encouragement,

support, and especially prayers.

I'll see if I can get a picture of Bella in here. :) I don't know if you can see it or not, but this is my friend Eddie trying to get a Santa's hat on her. It didn't work.

The next pictures are ones I took recently out in my yard here. It was so pretty that day. The LORD makes such beautiful things, if we will just look.

I can't get them all to show up. If I figure it out, I'll send more. :)

Ask and you shall receive the desires of your heart

My scans came back good!! I hadn't known how to pray about them this week. Last night I just told the Lord, whatever His Will, but if the lesions are still there, I hope they are at least smaller and that there are no new ones. Well, when my doctor presented the results to me, he practicaly spoke them word for word they way I had prayed them the night before.

In my brain, some are still there, but have not grown, some have even shrunk. And around my spine there is still something there, but they are still not real sure it is even cancer, so they are just going to continue to watch and see what happens.

I know what's going to happen - we are all going to pray that these cancer cells are going to leave my body and never return - In Jesus Name! And it will be done. I'm truly a believer in that verse now about asking Him for whatever you want and He will give it to you.

To add: All day yesterday I had been listening to this new CD I had gotten and the words just really stuck with me, so I knew God was trying to tell me something when something sticks in my mind like that. Here's what stuck in my mind:

Why do I feel discouraged; Why do the shadows come and why does my heart feel lonely and long for heaven and home When Jesus is my portion A constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.
So I sing because I'm happy and I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me
And guess what I did the rest of the day today - I SANG!! because I know He watches me.
Nicol, the singer of the song on the CD, writes "But one of the things I miss about life in the Congo is the opportunity to see God answer prayer in a way that happens when we have no other option but to depend on Him for our survival."
Matthew 10 31 - "so don't be afraid; You are worth more than many sporrows."

That has been the way I have felt. I have always liked being in control. Now I know Who is in control and holding me in His hands -- so I can let loose and just watch Him work and listen for what He wants me to do. We survive because He wants us to, not because of anything we do.
I start my chemo back and I will continue to visit the doctor every 3 weeks and have scans every 3 months. So, we still have some work to do.

Thank you all SOO MUCH for your prayers, please keep them up.

Love and blessings,
Kim

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Belief had led us to the word "faith" and some of the other information was about the Psalmist and Prophets present faith as unwaverying trust in God to save His servants from thier foes and fulfill His purpose of blessing them. Isaiah, particularly, denounces reliance on human aid as inconsistent with such trust. The New Testament regards the self-despairing hope world renouncing obedience from their foes and fulfill his declared purpose of blessing them. The book of John is fullest on this, emphasizing (1) that faith ("believing on", "coming to", and "teacher and miracle worker, but as God in carnate, who atoning death is the sole means of salvation; that faith in Christ secures present enjoyment of "eternal life." in fellowship with God. Paul shows that faith in Christ is the only way to a right relationiiship with God, which human works cannot gain; Hebrews and 1 Peter faith as the dynamic of hope and endurance under persecution. Wow!, How cool is that. I go to look up my "Word" and it leads me to another word, which explains my word even more. It also helps to explain more of what I need to hear and understand about God. God might not always tell us exactly what He wants us to know just so we can read His Word and find out for ourselves what it is. He really wants us to learn from this: To learn more by depending on Him (God) to teach us. The defintion goes on to state that the Reformers restorted Biblical perspectives by insisting that faith is more than orthodoxy, not fides merely, but fiducia, personal trust and confidence in God's mercy through Christ; that it is not a meritoios work, one facet of human righteousness, but rather an appropriating instrument, an empty had outstretched to receive. The free gift of God's righteousness in Christ; faith is God given, and is itself the animating principle from which love and good works spontaneously spring; and that communion with God means not an exotic rapture of mystical ecstasy, but just faith's everyday commerce with the Savior. This particular information was taken from The Evangelical Dictionary of Theology and this information from, J.I. Packer. It kind of brings us all the way back around to my word "believe"; in turn meaning having the faith enough to "believe" in God. Under the word "Christian Believer" it can mean "believer" or "faithful" or "trustworthy." I'll still study this word and continue to relay to you all what I find out.

Prayer Requests:
1. For a miracle that I will be healed and nothing less.
2. For brain power to memorize my scripture - it goes fast :)
3. For speaking opportunities and the ability to remember what to say
4. For opportunities to serve here
5. For the ability to write what God wants me to write - the ability for Him to speak through me, if that's what He wants.
6. Don't forget to think of each day as your last and live it to the fullest.
7. MOST OF ALL - DON'T FORGET TO PRAY FOR MY SCANS ON TUESDAY, APRIL 10TH!!! Pray they will not see anything. I will not find out the results until APRIL 13TH. So, I will send out the results then. Thank you all again for your prayers and concern.

Love you all,
Kim

Believe

What does "believe" mean? This is a word from God that He gave me this last time I was diagnosed with cancer. The first time it was "be anxious about nothing" and "my Grace is sufficient." And those came to me before I was diagnosed, I didn't even have to ask - He knew what I would need before I did. But when I was diagnosed with cancer to the brain this last time, I didn't hear a Word from God. While talking to a friend about this, he told me to go back through and study the scripture again and pray and ask God for a Word and He'll give it to you. I'll never forget him saying to look for that Word and when you find it, you stand on it; you stand on it and don't move. Listen to God. So, of course I went back over the scripture I had been studying and writing down and I began to see a Word that kept popping out and that was "Believe." After being diagnosed this last time, I was more angry at God than anything. Last time, I didn't feel that way. So, reading scripture, praying, etc. - I just didn't want to do. But after finding this word and reading more about it, I wanted to share with you all what God has revealed to me.

When I looked in the "Evangelical Dictionary of Theology" under "believe" it referred me to "faith." I looked up "faith." And of course there is about 2 to 3 pages on it. So, I'm going to hit the highlight for you through a few blogs.

At first it says it is a noun corresponding to the verb "believe." In the New Testament the term is regularly used to denote the many sided religious relationship into which the gospel calls men and women - that of trust in God through Christ. The Old Testament variously defines faith as resting, trusting, and hoping in the Lord, cleaving to Him, waiting for him, making him our shield and tower, taking refuge in him, etc. Psalmists and prophets present faith as unwavering trust in God to save his servants from their foes and fulfill his declared purpose of blessing them. Isaiah, particularly, denounces reliance on human aid as inconsistent with such trust.

I think that is enough for this blog for our study on "believe." But it is so very interesting what just 1(ONE) Word can say. God is so much bigger and intelligent than we will ever understand. Aren't we thankful for that?

Since the last blog, I have started a new chemo by mouth. You take it two in the A.M. and two in the P.M. You take them for two weeks and then you stop for a week and then start back for two weeks. So far, so good. My counts have been good. I need to gain weight though - I'm trying, but it's just not working. My next scans will be sometime in April and I will see the Doctor April 21st for the results. So be in prayer for those - I'll remind everyone since that is far away. My memory's not that good anymore, so maybe I'll get someone else to remind you. Anyway, let's see what else, OH! I was bitten by a german shepard two weeks ago. Mostly superficial, but it scared the wajibies out of me. I had to go to the emergency room and everything. It broke the skin through two pair of pants (It was one of those really cold days here). So can you imagine if I had had on shorts or something. My Dad has been in the hospital and had the artery in his leg cleaned out - was in ICU for almost a week and my Aunt Polly in Atlanta fell and broke her hip. If it's going to happen, I think it's going to happen to our family.

My doctor-oncologist gave another sermon yesterday and I already feel better. He's a believer and I'll ask him all these questions. He just stands there and listens. He's heard them a million times before. But he knows I'm a believer too and used to work on the field, so he'll give little mini sermons. It hurts to hear it sometimes, but I need to hear it and turn it over to God. But yesterday's was really good and something everyone needs to hear. We need to live for today; have the best day we can; and lay down at night and thank God for this day you gave me. None of us know when God will take us home -- I just have a little better idea, but we are all going to die one day. We just need to live for Him more and more each day we have here.

I found a poem that speaks to this:

I praise Thee while my days go on;
I love Thee while my days go on:
Through dark and dearth, through fire and frost,
With emptied arms and treasure lost,
I thank Thee while my days go on.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Thank you all again for your prayers, encouragement and support. I'll write again soon - don't forget to praise the Lord!

Kim

Chemo Again

Well, I went to the doctor today and I am starting on a new chemo. It is one that you take by mouth. I take 2 in the morning and 2 at night for 2 weeks and then I'll be off a week and then start it all over again. He said we would probably do that for a couple of months and then do scans again. Yea! Scans. I just love them. But, oh well, they keep an eye on whatever is up there or might be new, so that is good. Maybe it will show nothing is up there!

Continue to pray for my mood. I have been scrapbooking more and working on my books -and that is helping. But everytime I go to the doctor, it just seems to get me down again. My Bible reading and studying is not doing good either. Some days I don't feel like doing anything. But other days, I'm just fine, so I know people are praying and that God is here helping me. I just need to listen to my verses more that I wrote about last time. I just need to watch Him work.

I hope you all liked Delilia.

Love and Thanks!!
Kim

Meet Delilia

I was just noticing after reading my blog before my last one, that I did not report on the results of my scans. So, I wanted to do that.The brain scan showed that the same lesions were there. They had not gotten any bigger, nor any smaller. They said one might have gotten smaller.The scan of my spine showed basically the same thing. That the same lesions are there; no bigger; no smaller. My doctor's feel good about them. They feel they are keeping a good watch on them and they are glad they are not growing. I was excited too, but I would rather they be altogether gone - not there at all. So, pray God will take them away altogether.

Okay, I think that was all I wanted to add.
~ Oh, I did want to add a picture or two of me - or rather Delilia - (my wig's name)

Joy, Jill and Delilia

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Taylor and Delilia

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Hey Everybody!

It has been a while since I wrote, but I haven't felt well and had to go to the doctor a lot. But I am doing better now. I have to go back to the doctor on this Wednesday, February 7th. I get to find out if I can start some new chemo! Yeah! I'm so excited! Whatever. I am glad, at least there is something they can give me. Years ago they did not have anything they could give me and there was nothing else they could give me. So, PTL for research - for those who give to Breast Cancer Research Organizations, like Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure -- Plus other research organizations for other kinds of cancers.

I wasn't feeling well, because I wasn't eating. I was losing weight and everyone was freaking out. My doctors were trying to figure out why and we finally figured out that it was just the radiation finally getting out of my body. It was just taking a longer time, because I had had so much radiation for such a long period of time, it just took longer to go through my system. I've lost weight, but all it is is the steriod weight. I had to take so many steriods, that I gained quite a bit of weight (not telling how much :)) Anyway, so now I'm just down to my normal weight, like I was 2 years ago, before steriods. Have you ever had a doctor to tell you not to lose anymore weight? That was a weird statement to hear. I still have a problem with my left leg. There is still a small lesion on my spine that irritates it and makes me wobbly when I walk. So, for a while I had to live with my Dad and step-mom and then stay with my Mom and step-dad. Finally, this last time I got my doctor to agree that I could stay by myself. It is hard enough not having a car, let a lone not living in my own house. So thank goodness, I'm back home. This could change at anytime if the lesions increase in number or get larger. So, pray they don't or pray they go away all together. "You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples." Psalm 77:14 and "God fights for us in the unseen.We don't know why it takes so long sometimes, but we can trust His faithfulness."

I wanted to update you all on my friend Tracey too ~ that I have talked about before. She is the girl I met when I first came back after being diagnosed with breast cancer. She had colon cancer and a 3 year old little boy. We finished all our treatments (chemotherapy and radiation and surgery) at the same time. It was really cool. She is a believer and so is her family. Our families are very similar. She and I are both the youngest and have sisters who are 10 and 12 years older than we are. It is really odd the similiarities. A few months after I returned, she had a recurrance of her cancer as well. So, we had to go through chemo again together and face this again. But the Lord has been so good to send us each other. That way we can have another Christian to go through this with and talk with and understand what the other is feeling.
She had surgery before Christmas and everything went great. They found a little more and had to do a little more surgery, but she did great. So, right now, she is considered cancer free. Praise the Lord!

My Father had a scare recently. His foot was hurting and he told his wife he thought he should go to the hospital -- that was a bad sign in itself. My Dad never thinks anything is wrong with him. But, he did stop on the way and get something to eat - sat down and ate! They got to the hospital and found out he had a blood clot in his foot. They tried for 4 or 5 hours, but could not clear it. They left him in ICU over night and tried for 2 more hours the next day and finally got it out. The doctor told him that if he had not come in when he did, they would have had to cut his foot off because it was that blocked. His foot was white and cold. They couldn't believe he had waited as long as he did. But, PTL, he is fine and still has his foot. I kind of take after my Dad when it comes to being stubborn ~ my doctors have found that out. :) But, he's still going; working 5 to 6 days a week, at 76 years old.

Prayer Requests:
1. my doctor's visit on Wednesday, Feb. 7th

2. that I will continue to be able to stay in my house by myself.

3. that maybe one day soon, I might be able to drive again - God still performs miracles!

4. my neice Heather is pregnant again. This is # 3. She already has 2 girls.

5. My biggest prayer request is for patients and the ability to endure without understanding: It's hard to understand what is going on in my life right now. I prepare for one career for years and now that's not happening; at least not right now or the way I want or thought it would. I know it could happen somewhere else; and already has here in the chemo room and radiation - so that's good. I know God's plan is best - yet it is hard to understand - but we don't have to; we are to follow and just obey.

" . . .(Love) bears all things, believes, hopes all things, and endures all things. . . "
1 Corinithians 13:7

The story of Jehosphephat in 2 Chronicles has been something I have been reading lately. Verses like it keep showing up in other things I read as well. I feel God is teaching me about waiting by using these verses. I love these verses and try to remember them daily. Maybe they will help you too.
* "Prayer is the discipline by which God gives us the ability to wait. To persevere. To dream again. And to trust." (taken from the book When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas)
* "Prayer is the means by which we continually place ourselves into the arms of God. When you meet a man/woman who is full of joy and confidence no matter what his/her circumstances, you have most likely encountered a man/woman of prayer. ( taken from the book When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas)
* "Whatever battle you face this day, it cannot have you. You belong to God. After you have done everything you can do, then stand and wait to see the glory of the Lord.Wait on the Lord. Until it's your turn, I want you to become aware of God's intimate presence in your waiting. He is not far away. He is here. Holding you." (taken from the book When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas).
* ". . . You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, . . . " 2 Chronicles 20:17
Thank you all again for your prayers and encouragement. I will let you know what the doctor says and will try to keep the blog updated sooner.

Remember the LORD fights your battles for you ~ you just stand there and watch Him. (I love that)
KIM :)

Believe

I am staying at my Dad's & Debbie's right now and they are on their way to get me. I had been staying with Mom and Dick before that.

I've been sick and in and out of the chemo room for fluids - meaning I was deydrated twice, and probably am now. I just have no appetitie and don't want to eat.

I have to go this Friday, Jan. 5 for an MRI of the brain and thorasic spine. I really don't like scans. They always seem to find something. They alsways say, "but if we do, we catch it early". I say, "yea, yea, yea,' you lay there on that table wondering what they are seeing and having to wait another week for the results - when most of the results in the past have shown a spot here or here or there. Can you tell, I'm a little nervous and a little frustrated?

1. Pray for my attitude: "Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances." Proverbs 25:11

2. Pray my scans come back clear :"Whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." Matt. 21:22

3. Pray my appetitie will come back and the doctor's will figure out what is going on there: "in hope against hope he believed, . . "Romans 4:18

Always remember my story I have claimed lately, that is found in 2 Chronicles. Where God tells Jehoshaphat to stand his ground. That he's not doing the fighting, God is. The next morning they stood there and watched as God fought the battle and won!

4. Pray I'll have the strength to stand still and let God fight the battle for me - I'm tired and I can't do it myself anymore.

Thanks for continuing to send me the Vision so I can keep up with what is going on on campus. I wish I could be down there so bad. I have since the first day it happened. Maybe soon.

Talk to everyone soon.

Much love and blessings,

Kim :)

Matt. 19:26