God Loves Even Me

Hi everyone! I'm in Atlanta visiting family right now, which is Memorial Day. I'll be here for at least a week. I'm just happy to be outside of Knoxville for a change; or happy to be outside my house. I really want to go overseas, but since I can't drive or fly , I guess I'll take a boat. Anybody know of a boat I can borrow. If anybody knows me, they know that I will find a way.

So far so good on the doctors visits. I have gained 2 pounds - yeah!!! The medicine they gave me to have an appetite though taste awful! I had to take it back to the pharmacy and have them add flavor to it. It's a liquid. I was standing in line with the little kids to get my medicine flavored. Well, now I can swallow it without spitting it back out - I don't know how that would help anything. I started my 3rd or 4th round of chemo this past Saturday the 26th, so 2 more weeks again. My oncologist said we would schedule scans the next visit. But I don't want to think about that -- we will just pray about it instead. I have gone to the Cheesecake Factory to eat since I've been here. Oh my! It was very good. Well, I have to gain weight!

Some friends of mine in Knoxville and I are going to the beach June 16 - 23. I'm very excited. I haven't had a real vacation in a long time. Please pray I will stay healthy enough to go and healthy while I am there to enjoy myself. Pray for our safety as we travel as well.

To be where I am today is a miracle. I've got to enjoy each day while I can. He has blessed me so much. This October I will have hit my 5 year mark. I was diagnosed Oct. 10, 2002. At the time I had a 30% chance of making it 5 years. It's not all gone, but almost. We must pray that these next scans will show nothing there at all. I don't know why, but God me enough to keep me here a little longer. I wrote a little poem and felt God wanted me to share it with you all. It may not be a good poem; you may not like it; but maybe something in it will speak to you. If the Lord wanted me to share it, then maybe He has something to say to someone through it.

God Loves Even Me
God's love is sufficient
God's love is free
God's love extends to even me.
Love is patient
Love is kind
God's love is like
One you will never find
By searching here on earth
Only in your heart
Is where God's love starts
God's love never fails
He hugs you when you're
at your end
He holds on to you through
thick and thin
He'll see you through
every snare
You can be sure God
always will be there.
Trust Him with all you heart
He knows where you are going.
Live for Him everyday in everyway.
Share His love
for all to see
The love Jesus has
for you and even me.

Thank you all for reading my blog.
Thank you for your prayers and encouragement more than anything.

Blessings,
Kim Wilson
"(Love) . . . bears all things, believes, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7

My Father's Touch

Hello to everyone and thank you for praying!!

We are going to pray this cancer out of my body!!

Well, how did that picture get in there??? I just don't know. BMW goes around the country each year and let's people test drive their cars; about 18 or 19 of them, and for every mile you test drive, they donate a dollar to the Susan G. Komen Foundation. I still can't drive, but a friend took me down there. I was just pretending I drove it.

This month has not been that exciting. Not in the hospital getting fluids every other day or anything like that.

I did find out that both of my neices baby's are good and healthy! Praise the Lord. I'm going to be a Great Aunt again, and again, and again, and again. Yes, I think that's right. One neice (Heather) has 2 with 1 on the way and the other neice (Holly) has her first one on the way. I was born late in the family!

Everything else seems to be going good. My dog is driving me crazy. No one told me that rat terriors are the wildest dogs made! I think she can jump 10 feet high some times. Well, that may be a little exacuration, but almost. And her toe nails -- oh my -- sharp as a stick pin. I ask the vet if they could cut them back anymore, as I stand there with scratches all over my body, and he said no, that's just how rat terriors toe nails are. Great! I said, wonderful. What else do I not know about rat terriors -- well, rat terrior/beagle mix. But then I just love her and laugh at her and she just loves me unconditionally. If I'm not feeling good, she wants to lay right there beside me or on me. She'll go outside and come straight back in to where I am. And she loves it outside. She will run from one side to the other, as fast as she can; and every once and a while she'll bark up in the air -- like this is my territory!! The other day, I kept hearing this beautiful chirping from some birds near my bedroom window. So, I slowly open the curtain so as to not scare them away; and it was redheaded woodpeckers. But they were pecking (every now and then) but just snging so pretty. Then I looked down and there was my dog (Bella) (that is her name, so if I refer to Bella or tell Bella stories, that's who I'm talking about) But she was looking up at those birds so intently. Now, I'm pretty it was because she wanted to eat them and they were too high and not because of the pretty singing. But I don't know - she's so smart. :)

I don't go to the doctor for another couple of weeks, so I'm just taking my chemo by mouth now and all this other medicine. He gave me something to increase my appetite. I didn't think I would ever need anything like that. After radiation I just started losing and I'm way down.

I want to come to New Orleans and visit so bad -- it may be a possibility soon - who knows??

I want to leave you with a poem that came to me one night. I go through stages of discouragement and times of happiness. I hope people see more happieness in me. But some people say they are glad that I get down, so they don't feel bad when they get down. But anyway, the LORD just spoke to me and I wrote it down. I wanted to share it with you:

MY FATHER'S TOUCH

LORD, you have taught me so much.
I cannot imagine You, my Lord and Savior
would use your time to give me a touch.

A touch that could heal me or
A touch that might not heal me, if you wish.

Not that's what I want. I want your will for me.
Now I see, I was so blind and busy to see
But all I want now is Your will to see.

It's not my will that You seek and died on the cross for;
It's Your will and Your will alone that I adore.

You adore it when You see us praying and reading Your Word
You adore it when you hear us singing ;
And especially adore it when one of Your lost falls to their knees
and cries LORD,LORD save me.

I may not understand why this is happening to me,
But I know You are holding my hand.
I may not understand why this is happening to me,
But I know You hold me when I cry.
I may not understand, but Father, You have taught me
To feel Your touch.

Father, I know this is not about me, but about the lost,
I'm just a vessel, not worthy of the assignment,
But if I had to d it all over again, just to feel My Father'Touch again;
I WOULD.

Kim Wilson

Please continue to pray for complete healing.

Pray I can be a witness to the lost wherever I go

Pray that whatever I do reflects the Father

Pray that I can be still and listen and Pray that for yourselves as well

Thank you all again for your encouragement,

support, and especially prayers.

I'll see if I can get a picture of Bella in here. :) I don't know if you can see it or not, but this is my friend Eddie trying to get a Santa's hat on her. It didn't work.

The next pictures are ones I took recently out in my yard here. It was so pretty that day. The LORD makes such beautiful things, if we will just look.

I can't get them all to show up. If I figure it out, I'll send more. :)

Ask and you shall receive the desires of your heart

My scans came back good!! I hadn't known how to pray about them this week. Last night I just told the Lord, whatever His Will, but if the lesions are still there, I hope they are at least smaller and that there are no new ones. Well, when my doctor presented the results to me, he practicaly spoke them word for word they way I had prayed them the night before.

In my brain, some are still there, but have not grown, some have even shrunk. And around my spine there is still something there, but they are still not real sure it is even cancer, so they are just going to continue to watch and see what happens.

I know what's going to happen - we are all going to pray that these cancer cells are going to leave my body and never return - In Jesus Name! And it will be done. I'm truly a believer in that verse now about asking Him for whatever you want and He will give it to you.

To add: All day yesterday I had been listening to this new CD I had gotten and the words just really stuck with me, so I knew God was trying to tell me something when something sticks in my mind like that. Here's what stuck in my mind:

Why do I feel discouraged; Why do the shadows come and why does my heart feel lonely and long for heaven and home When Jesus is my portion A constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.
So I sing because I'm happy and I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me
And guess what I did the rest of the day today - I SANG!! because I know He watches me.
Nicol, the singer of the song on the CD, writes "But one of the things I miss about life in the Congo is the opportunity to see God answer prayer in a way that happens when we have no other option but to depend on Him for our survival."
Matthew 10 31 - "so don't be afraid; You are worth more than many sporrows."

That has been the way I have felt. I have always liked being in control. Now I know Who is in control and holding me in His hands -- so I can let loose and just watch Him work and listen for what He wants me to do. We survive because He wants us to, not because of anything we do.
I start my chemo back and I will continue to visit the doctor every 3 weeks and have scans every 3 months. So, we still have some work to do.

Thank you all SOO MUCH for your prayers, please keep them up.

Love and blessings,
Kim

Back to Believe & Faith

Belief had led us to the word "faith" and some of the other information was about the Psalmist and Prophets present faith as unwaverying trust in God to save His servants from thier foes and fulfill His purpose of blessing them. Isaiah, particularly, denounces reliance on human aid as inconsistent with such trust. The New Testament regards the self-despairing hope world renouncing obedience from their foes and fulfill his declared purpose of blessing them. The book of John is fullest on this, emphasizing (1) that faith ("believing on", "coming to", and "teacher and miracle worker, but as God in carnate, who atoning death is the sole means of salvation; that faith in Christ secures present enjoyment of "eternal life." in fellowship with God. Paul shows that faith in Christ is the only way to a right relationiiship with God, which human works cannot gain; Hebrews and 1 Peter faith as the dynamic of hope and endurance under persecution. Wow!, How cool is that. I go to look up my "Word" and it leads me to another word, which explains my word even more. It also helps to explain more of what I need to hear and understand about God. God might not always tell us exactly what He wants us to know just so we can read His Word and find out for ourselves what it is. He really wants us to learn from this: To learn more by depending on Him (God) to teach us. The defintion goes on to state that the Reformers restorted Biblical perspectives by insisting that faith is more than orthodoxy, not fides merely, but fiducia, personal trust and confidence in God's mercy through Christ; that it is not a meritoios work, one facet of human righteousness, but rather an appropriating instrument, an empty had outstretched to receive. The free gift of God's righteousness in Christ; faith is God given, and is itself the animating principle from which love and good works spontaneously spring; and that communion with God means not an exotic rapture of mystical ecstasy, but just faith's everyday commerce with the Savior. This particular information was taken from The Evangelical Dictionary of Theology and this information from, J.I. Packer. It kind of brings us all the way back around to my word "believe"; in turn meaning having the faith enough to "believe" in God. Under the word "Christian Believer" it can mean "believer" or "faithful" or "trustworthy." I'll still study this word and continue to relay to you all what I find out.

Prayer Requests:
1. For a miracle that I will be healed and nothing less.
2. For brain power to memorize my scripture - it goes fast :)
3. For speaking opportunities and the ability to remember what to say
4. For opportunities to serve here
5. For the ability to write what God wants me to write - the ability for Him to speak through me, if that's what He wants.
6. Don't forget to think of each day as your last and live it to the fullest.
7. MOST OF ALL - DON'T FORGET TO PRAY FOR MY SCANS ON TUESDAY, APRIL 10TH!!! Pray they will not see anything. I will not find out the results until APRIL 13TH. So, I will send out the results then. Thank you all again for your prayers and concern.

Love you all,
Kim

Believe

What does "believe" mean? This is a word from God that He gave me this last time I was diagnosed with cancer. The first time it was "be anxious about nothing" and "my Grace is sufficient." And those came to me before I was diagnosed, I didn't even have to ask - He knew what I would need before I did. But when I was diagnosed with cancer to the brain this last time, I didn't hear a Word from God. While talking to a friend about this, he told me to go back through and study the scripture again and pray and ask God for a Word and He'll give it to you. I'll never forget him saying to look for that Word and when you find it, you stand on it; you stand on it and don't move. Listen to God. So, of course I went back over the scripture I had been studying and writing down and I began to see a Word that kept popping out and that was "Believe." After being diagnosed this last time, I was more angry at God than anything. Last time, I didn't feel that way. So, reading scripture, praying, etc. - I just didn't want to do. But after finding this word and reading more about it, I wanted to share with you all what God has revealed to me.

When I looked in the "Evangelical Dictionary of Theology" under "believe" it referred me to "faith." I looked up "faith." And of course there is about 2 to 3 pages on it. So, I'm going to hit the highlight for you through a few blogs.

At first it says it is a noun corresponding to the verb "believe." In the New Testament the term is regularly used to denote the many sided religious relationship into which the gospel calls men and women - that of trust in God through Christ. The Old Testament variously defines faith as resting, trusting, and hoping in the Lord, cleaving to Him, waiting for him, making him our shield and tower, taking refuge in him, etc. Psalmists and prophets present faith as unwavering trust in God to save his servants from their foes and fulfill his declared purpose of blessing them. Isaiah, particularly, denounces reliance on human aid as inconsistent with such trust.

I think that is enough for this blog for our study on "believe." But it is so very interesting what just 1(ONE) Word can say. God is so much bigger and intelligent than we will ever understand. Aren't we thankful for that?

Since the last blog, I have started a new chemo by mouth. You take it two in the A.M. and two in the P.M. You take them for two weeks and then you stop for a week and then start back for two weeks. So far, so good. My counts have been good. I need to gain weight though - I'm trying, but it's just not working. My next scans will be sometime in April and I will see the Doctor April 21st for the results. So be in prayer for those - I'll remind everyone since that is far away. My memory's not that good anymore, so maybe I'll get someone else to remind you. Anyway, let's see what else, OH! I was bitten by a german shepard two weeks ago. Mostly superficial, but it scared the wajibies out of me. I had to go to the emergency room and everything. It broke the skin through two pair of pants (It was one of those really cold days here). So can you imagine if I had had on shorts or something. My Dad has been in the hospital and had the artery in his leg cleaned out - was in ICU for almost a week and my Aunt Polly in Atlanta fell and broke her hip. If it's going to happen, I think it's going to happen to our family.

My doctor-oncologist gave another sermon yesterday and I already feel better. He's a believer and I'll ask him all these questions. He just stands there and listens. He's heard them a million times before. But he knows I'm a believer too and used to work on the field, so he'll give little mini sermons. It hurts to hear it sometimes, but I need to hear it and turn it over to God. But yesterday's was really good and something everyone needs to hear. We need to live for today; have the best day we can; and lay down at night and thank God for this day you gave me. None of us know when God will take us home -- I just have a little better idea, but we are all going to die one day. We just need to live for Him more and more each day we have here.

I found a poem that speaks to this:

I praise Thee while my days go on;
I love Thee while my days go on:
Through dark and dearth, through fire and frost,
With emptied arms and treasure lost,
I thank Thee while my days go on.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Thank you all again for your prayers, encouragement and support. I'll write again soon - don't forget to praise the Lord!

Kim

Chemo Again

Well, I went to the doctor today and I am starting on a new chemo. It is one that you take by mouth. I take 2 in the morning and 2 at night for 2 weeks and then I'll be off a week and then start it all over again. He said we would probably do that for a couple of months and then do scans again. Yea! Scans. I just love them. But, oh well, they keep an eye on whatever is up there or might be new, so that is good. Maybe it will show nothing is up there!

Continue to pray for my mood. I have been scrapbooking more and working on my books -and that is helping. But everytime I go to the doctor, it just seems to get me down again. My Bible reading and studying is not doing good either. Some days I don't feel like doing anything. But other days, I'm just fine, so I know people are praying and that God is here helping me. I just need to listen to my verses more that I wrote about last time. I just need to watch Him work.

I hope you all liked Delilia.

Love and Thanks!!
Kim

Meet Delilia

I was just noticing after reading my blog before my last one, that I did not report on the results of my scans. So, I wanted to do that.The brain scan showed that the same lesions were there. They had not gotten any bigger, nor any smaller. They said one might have gotten smaller.The scan of my spine showed basically the same thing. That the same lesions are there; no bigger; no smaller. My doctor's feel good about them. They feel they are keeping a good watch on them and they are glad they are not growing. I was excited too, but I would rather they be altogether gone - not there at all. So, pray God will take them away altogether.

Okay, I think that was all I wanted to add.
~ Oh, I did want to add a picture or two of me - or rather Delilia - (my wig's name)

Joy, Jill and Delilia

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

Taylor and Delilia

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

Hey Everybody!

It has been a while since I wrote, but I haven't felt well and had to go to the doctor a lot. But I am doing better now. I have to go back to the doctor on this Wednesday, February 7th. I get to find out if I can start some new chemo! Yeah! I'm so excited! Whatever. I am glad, at least there is something they can give me. Years ago they did not have anything they could give me and there was nothing else they could give me. So, PTL for research - for those who give to Breast Cancer Research Organizations, like Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure -- Plus other research organizations for other kinds of cancers.

I wasn't feeling well, because I wasn't eating. I was losing weight and everyone was freaking out. My doctors were trying to figure out why and we finally figured out that it was just the radiation finally getting out of my body. It was just taking a longer time, because I had had so much radiation for such a long period of time, it just took longer to go through my system. I've lost weight, but all it is is the steriod weight. I had to take so many steriods, that I gained quite a bit of weight (not telling how much :)) Anyway, so now I'm just down to my normal weight, like I was 2 years ago, before steriods. Have you ever had a doctor to tell you not to lose anymore weight? That was a weird statement to hear. I still have a problem with my left leg. There is still a small lesion on my spine that irritates it and makes me wobbly when I walk. So, for a while I had to live with my Dad and step-mom and then stay with my Mom and step-dad. Finally, this last time I got my doctor to agree that I could stay by myself. It is hard enough not having a car, let a lone not living in my own house. So thank goodness, I'm back home. This could change at anytime if the lesions increase in number or get larger. So, pray they don't or pray they go away all together. "You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples." Psalm 77:14 and "God fights for us in the unseen.We don't know why it takes so long sometimes, but we can trust His faithfulness."

I wanted to update you all on my friend Tracey too ~ that I have talked about before. She is the girl I met when I first came back after being diagnosed with breast cancer. She had colon cancer and a 3 year old little boy. We finished all our treatments (chemotherapy and radiation and surgery) at the same time. It was really cool. She is a believer and so is her family. Our families are very similar. She and I are both the youngest and have sisters who are 10 and 12 years older than we are. It is really odd the similiarities. A few months after I returned, she had a recurrance of her cancer as well. So, we had to go through chemo again together and face this again. But the Lord has been so good to send us each other. That way we can have another Christian to go through this with and talk with and understand what the other is feeling.
She had surgery before Christmas and everything went great. They found a little more and had to do a little more surgery, but she did great. So, right now, she is considered cancer free. Praise the Lord!

My Father had a scare recently. His foot was hurting and he told his wife he thought he should go to the hospital -- that was a bad sign in itself. My Dad never thinks anything is wrong with him. But, he did stop on the way and get something to eat - sat down and ate! They got to the hospital and found out he had a blood clot in his foot. They tried for 4 or 5 hours, but could not clear it. They left him in ICU over night and tried for 2 more hours the next day and finally got it out. The doctor told him that if he had not come in when he did, they would have had to cut his foot off because it was that blocked. His foot was white and cold. They couldn't believe he had waited as long as he did. But, PTL, he is fine and still has his foot. I kind of take after my Dad when it comes to being stubborn ~ my doctors have found that out. :) But, he's still going; working 5 to 6 days a week, at 76 years old.

Prayer Requests:
1. my doctor's visit on Wednesday, Feb. 7th

2. that I will continue to be able to stay in my house by myself.

3. that maybe one day soon, I might be able to drive again - God still performs miracles!

4. my neice Heather is pregnant again. This is # 3. She already has 2 girls.

5. My biggest prayer request is for patients and the ability to endure without understanding: It's hard to understand what is going on in my life right now. I prepare for one career for years and now that's not happening; at least not right now or the way I want or thought it would. I know it could happen somewhere else; and already has here in the chemo room and radiation - so that's good. I know God's plan is best - yet it is hard to understand - but we don't have to; we are to follow and just obey.

" . . .(Love) bears all things, believes, hopes all things, and endures all things. . . "
1 Corinithians 13:7

The story of Jehosphephat in 2 Chronicles has been something I have been reading lately. Verses like it keep showing up in other things I read as well. I feel God is teaching me about waiting by using these verses. I love these verses and try to remember them daily. Maybe they will help you too.
* "Prayer is the discipline by which God gives us the ability to wait. To persevere. To dream again. And to trust." (taken from the book When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas)
* "Prayer is the means by which we continually place ourselves into the arms of God. When you meet a man/woman who is full of joy and confidence no matter what his/her circumstances, you have most likely encountered a man/woman of prayer. ( taken from the book When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas)
* "Whatever battle you face this day, it cannot have you. You belong to God. After you have done everything you can do, then stand and wait to see the glory of the Lord.Wait on the Lord. Until it's your turn, I want you to become aware of God's intimate presence in your waiting. He is not far away. He is here. Holding you." (taken from the book When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas).
* ". . . You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, . . . " 2 Chronicles 20:17
Thank you all again for your prayers and encouragement. I will let you know what the doctor says and will try to keep the blog updated sooner.

Remember the LORD fights your battles for you ~ you just stand there and watch Him. (I love that)
KIM :)

Believe

I am staying at my Dad's & Debbie's right now and they are on their way to get me. I had been staying with Mom and Dick before that.

I've been sick and in and out of the chemo room for fluids - meaning I was deydrated twice, and probably am now. I just have no appetitie and don't want to eat.

I have to go this Friday, Jan. 5 for an MRI of the brain and thorasic spine. I really don't like scans. They always seem to find something. They alsways say, "but if we do, we catch it early". I say, "yea, yea, yea,' you lay there on that table wondering what they are seeing and having to wait another week for the results - when most of the results in the past have shown a spot here or here or there. Can you tell, I'm a little nervous and a little frustrated?

1. Pray for my attitude: "Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances." Proverbs 25:11

2. Pray my scans come back clear :"Whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." Matt. 21:22

3. Pray my appetitie will come back and the doctor's will figure out what is going on there: "in hope against hope he believed, . . "Romans 4:18

Always remember my story I have claimed lately, that is found in 2 Chronicles. Where God tells Jehoshaphat to stand his ground. That he's not doing the fighting, God is. The next morning they stood there and watched as God fought the battle and won!

4. Pray I'll have the strength to stand still and let God fight the battle for me - I'm tired and I can't do it myself anymore.

Thanks for continuing to send me the Vision so I can keep up with what is going on on campus. I wish I could be down there so bad. I have since the first day it happened. Maybe soon.

Talk to everyone soon.

Much love and blessings,

Kim :)

Matt. 19:26

Long Time No Read (get it?!)

Hey Everybody!! Sorry that it has been so long that I have written, but what is new with me??!! :) At least lately. I started out good and then it slowed down for some reason. I think the radiation to the brain did it - at least that's what I tell everyone. I don't know how long I'm going to be able to use that excuse though. :)

I want to thank everyone sooo much for the outpouring of cards for my Birthday and Thanksgiving. Everyone was wonderful! and made me feel so special. Your words really lifted me up. I'm still in the process of writing thank you notes, so don't think I've forgotten you. I have to write thank you notes ~ for one thing it is the proper Southern thing to do and , secondly, it gives me something to do. :) But really, I just wanted to thank you for thinking of me in the way you did and saying the special things you did. I do want to know something though -- was Vanee holding the NOBTS people hostage in the cafeteria or something??? :)

Well, so far so good on the doctor''s reports. No cancer cells found in the spinal fluid. Yeah! Praise The Lord!. Then, I went to the eye doctor this past Friday and he saw no damage to either eye - so another Yeah!! He just had to adjust my reading glasses prescription a little. He was expecting some damage, but he saw none, so Praise The Lord again! I guess just normal getting old changes. I never thought I would be excited about getting old and having normal changes - wrinkles, etc.... :) I hope I get to experience all of them.

Since my Birthday, Nov. 12, I've not had an appetite and we can't seem to figure out why. I finally went to the doctor last week and found out that I was dehydrated, so they gave me some IV fluids for a few hours and sent me home. I'm still trying to eat. It's getting better, but not great. We think it is all the medicine I am taking for the movement disorder I have now from the tumor I had on my cerabellam (or something like that). Anyway, pray that I will want to start eating again. They all try to scare me into eating and it scares me, but I still don't have an appetite. I want to have one.

My next scans are sceduled for Friday Jan., 5 at 11:30 a.m. They are of the Brain and Thorasic and Lumbar Spine. I will then see my doctor's for the results on Wednesday, January 10 at 1:15 and 2:00. So, please be praying for these. That they will find nothing growing in any of these places or anywhere in my body. Pray that God will just touch my body and kill any cancer cells that may be floating around in my body that we can't see right now. Plus, pray that He will give me my strength and appetite back as well.

After that, I will start oral Chemo again. It's not supposed to be that bad. I'm not for sure for how long. I don't know for very long. So, it shouldn't be that bad. I'll let everyone know.

I've been receiving some beautiful birthday, Thanksgiving, encouragements, and now Christmas Cards. All of them have sayings in them that I have heard over and over again all my life. I don't know if everyone who reads my blog knows that my "word" for this time around is "BELIEVE". But, one of the cards I was reading said "Faith is not simply believing that God can. It is knowing that He will." That really hit me for some reason. I have to truly know and believe. I have faith that He can and believe that He can, but do I know that He can?

Pray for my spirit, appetite, and strength this week.
Pray for my friend Tracey - she is having her surgery Tuesday
For opportunity to share with others

Thank all of you again very much for your encouragement and support through all of this. I'll try to stay in touch better. - Oh I have included some pics of some RadTechs that I promised them back in October. :)
Love,
KP Matthew 19:26


Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

"My Story"

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

It seems lately that a lot of people have been asking about "my story". My story of when I was diagnosed, how I felt, what I went through, etc.. I'm assuming that is what they are wanting.
I started writing "my story" four years ago Oct. 10, 2002. I stopped it when I went back to Singapore because, for one I thought "my story" of having cancer was over and if it wasn't, I did not want to continue it. But, it looks like I need to finish my story and keep on going. God has really been laying that on my heart. He has been laying scripture after scripture on my heart about this (Lloyd would be proud) one thing -- to be still and to know Him and to most of all "BELIEVE" - my "word" since I've been back. I'm trying the be still part, that's always been a hard one for me. But to me what I'm sensing from God right now is being still and knowing His plan - and that His plan is best; not MY plan. That maybe MY plan needs to change and I should go with His. Sometimes I'm a little hard headed. His plan is always best. We may not see that here and now, but we will one day. We just have to trust and believe. So, that is what I am working on and trying to finish - "My Story". I've even had a local anchor man to ask about interviewing me on television. I was interviewed at the end of the RACE FOR THE CURE and every time they would show the news this past weekend, they would show a snip-it of that interview with Kim Wilson. It was funny. You might be able to get on to www.wbir.com and click on "running with robbin" or something like that - anyway, on that she interviews my cousin. It is kind of far along in the run, so you can run it up, but she shows my team shirt and talks about me and my story again. It's crackin me up.

Okay, prayer requests, because I'm getting very sleepy and need to get some rest tonight:

1. Allowing God to speak through me. Let me get out of the way -- through all this "story" stuff, because it is all about Him.
2. I'm having another lumbar puncture procedure done Wednesday at 1:30 p.m. - pray those results come back negative again.
3. That no news is good news - I haven't heard anything from the CT of the abdomen, chest, and pelvis from last week -- but I will get the results tomorrow, so pray they are negative as well.
4. My friend Wendy is having another test done tomorrow, she may have to have some spots biopsied on her liver that look suspicious.
5. Praise: My Mom has been getting out more - shopping, of course, what all women do. And she looks and feels better.
6. Praise: My cousin in Atlanta and I have been getting closer - it's been good, but continue to pray for that situation.

Thank you all again for your support, encouragement, cards, scripture, just everything - you really don't know how much it means to me. It's like I said in my interview: "When you are running the breast cancer race, you are really running it alone. And you never feel it more than when it comes to the end of the race and they split the line up - survivors this way! they yell out -- and you have to leave your team and go down that line by yourself, but you look on either side of you and you see your team and all these others that you don't even know, cheering you on, and then you know that your not alone anymore, they are still right there beside you cheering you on -- But most of all, we know God is right there beside us walking with us; carrying us; or whatever we need to make it across."
Love you all
Kim Possible
Matt: 19:26


Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos


Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos


Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

4:00 a.m. steriod feeding time again!!

Fun, fun - the steriods are kicking in again and my body loves to get up at 4 a.m. and eat and just do whatever it feels like doing. I try to channel that energy into good things, like cleaning or reading, etc. but that doesn't always happen. One, because the old TV show "Coach" comes on around 6 am and I just love that show. So, if I can, I try to go back to sleep, after I eat of course, and then get back up and watch Coach. It is so funny. Anyway. This morning I did clean the kitchen stove top. Took off the knobs and everything. Cleaned off the counter tops to make room for my medicines. They had been sitting on my stove top, which didn't seem like a good idea. So, all that is in order and the fire hazard is avoided! You would be proud Mr. Friedmann. :)

We had the Race for the Cure Team Award Party this past Saturday, Oct. 21. You know, the same day that Tennessee beat Alabama?!! Remember that?? :) Anyway, I thought I would update you all on the outcome of the Party since I'm sure everyone already knows the outcome of the game.

First of all, Kim's Krusaders won 1st Place for the largest team in the church category!! Yeah!! with 113 members, plus - some are still signing up, but they don't go toward the team number anymore. So, that is 1st place for 2 years in a row now. Yeah again!!

Second, I won the New Balance Tennis Shoe Breast Cancer Survivor of the Year Award. Yeah! What all that means, I'm not really for sure, but Yeah again!

The MC for the Party was sitting at our table - it was me and all my nieces and niece-in-law. We were giving him a hard time; joking around with him, etc. like a table full of women would do - it was fun. He is a local anchor man here. When I received my award, we were all smiling and happy, then He gets up there and starts talking about how he couldn't believe I was fighting cancer and how we were all laughing, etc... He was the one that got us all crying.

We didn't win t-shirt design, but we thought - I guess they thought they couldn't let us win everything!! But we think we have the best. Those who donated will be receiving a Kim's Krusaders shirt. And no they are not pink - but they are Orange!! :) Beautiful!

Some prayer requests:
1. They have found some new lesions on my spine. I had my first of 14 treatments of the spine this past Friday. So, I have 13 more to go. They are radiating the brain and then just moving down and radiating the spine. So, I don't have to come back or add more days - actually it adds maybe 2 or 3 is all. They are radiating from L2 to S3. I just added that in just in case anyone knew that area. But pray for complete healing in that area, as well as the whole spine. I think I'm going to pour some vegetable oil down it so these so called "little" lesions will stop sticking. But seriosly, they are finding them early and the doctors believe they can get them with no problem and that they will stay gone for a good long while. I asked my Radiation Oncologist to not tell me numbers, so that's why he said "a good long while". I like that better. :)
2. My step-father has bronchitis and is the main caretaker of my mother. Pray for quick healing there. It is really bothering them both that they cannot come over and help right now.
3. One of my best friends - Wendy - her mother-in-law has been diagnosed with ALS and is not doing well. It has hit the family hard. Wendy is very stressed and having health issues herself. I'm worried about her. Pray for something to be resolved there.
4. I'm working on my "Story" - pray I can convey what God wants me to say in an article, in a book, in interviews, etc... I started my "story" 4 years ago and have been adding to it, more than I wanted to, but that's what God wanted, so pray that God will guide my words, actions, and thoughts, during this time - I, we never know who is watching and what kind of impact we are having.
5. My family in Atlanta where my cousin was murdered. They are still hanging on/iin, but still just barely. My cousin Alan calls or emails me every week, sometimes more than once. I can tell some difference. He said the other night - "I can't believe I call you with all you are going through with cancer and you are lifting me up". I told him that it wasn't me, but God through me -- Then I asked him if he had read all those books I bought him yet. I bought him all the Lee Strobel's and a new Bible, etc. It was kind of funny. He said he had started one. But he did say they had opened up a new LifeWay near his house, so that next time I'm down he would take me there. :)
6. CT Scan scheduled for Oct. 26th, I think. It will be of the Chest, Abdomen, and Pelvis. This is just a regularly scheduled thing right now. Every other month scans for the first few years, especially with new things popping up.
7. Another Lumbar Puncture will be done on Nov. 1 - just to double check the spinal fluid again to make sure there are no cells in the spinal fluid. And I'm with the doctor on this one, better safe than sorry. He said, she did great with the first one - like I just loved it or something. I don't know that I would say that, but it wasn't that bad.
6. Last, but not least, This is a prayer, praise, and WoW! - I love Goobers (the chocolate covered peanuts) that you can only usually find at the movies. They have just the right amount of chocolate to the peanut. Others have too much chocolate or not enough peanut, etc. It is Goobers or nothing. Then finally I found this little shop in West Knoxville named Bradley's Chocolates - and they have the perfect chocolate covered peanuts - even better than Goobers because the chocolate is better, but they have to be a special treat - only once in a while.But this past Friday, after my treatments, I needed to go pick up the Race t-shirts and just so happens Bradley's chocolates are very or kind of near the t-shirt place - well, the place we ate lunch is. Anyway, after eating lunch, we go to Bradley's and they also have the cutest little nick-nacks in there too - cutest!! But, my "word" since I've been back with the brain tumor, has been "BELIEVE". I have this word all over my house. I bought these wood block letters to spell out believe and spray painted them and hung them on my wall. Well, I was walking around the store before purchasing my chocolates and found this little ceramic cream colored cross with a silver inlay in the middle with the word "believe". You could put it in a pouch and carry it with you wherever you go. It also had the verse with it: "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." John 20:29
I couldn't believe it. I found my word in my favorite place. I found my "positive" for the day. You have to look for a positive each day. Some days are harder than others, that's for sure, but they are there. But that was a great positive for me.

Thanks for listening/reading again
Especially thank you all for your support, prayers, encouragement, everything
I love you all
Kim Possible Signing Off for now
"With God All Things Are Possible" Matt. 19:26


Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

On The Road Again

Well, here we go again. I feel like singing that old country song - "On the Road Again". I know I'm showing my age, but at least the ages keep coming at this point.

I had written a note a couple of weeks ago and of course kept messing it up for some reason or another and could never get it to post - Now I know why - this message needed to be posted instead.

Race for the Cure in Knoxville is coming up, and I was writing about that, and it is very important, more important now than ever, but my news is just as important.

My cancer is back in my brain again and it is all over - all over basically meaning they have to do what is called "whole brain" radiation now. There are now no more options to radiation. There are too many lesions. And where some of the lesions are located, it is too dangerous to try to do the Cyberknife procedure they did to me last year after the initial brain surgery.

I received this news last Friday, Oct. 5th; saw my Radiation Oncologist on Monday, Oct. 8th; and started treatments on Tuesday Oct. 9th. I am now in another whirlwind again - or on the road again.

This really came as a complete shock because I had just had an MRI of the brain 2 months ago and all the doctors felt it looked good; that there was no change. There were still the same left over things from the original surgery and a few spots here and there that they had been supposedly "watching", but other than that, they were not worried. Then I go in and boom - it's back; it's all over; and you have to have whole brain radiation. Then next, my Oncologist informs me he is going to perform a lumbar puncture procedure right there in his office - right then - at that moment. I'm like, okay? This was to check to see if there were any cancer cells floating around in my spinal fluid - and if this came back positive, then I would have to start more chemo as well.

Well, I go into my "let's just make jokes through this mode". He starts cleaning off my back and says something about getting the solution on my shirt. I said you better not have because I bought this shirt in Indonesia and you will have to buy me another one. He said no big deal, all my shirts say "made in Indonesia" in them. I said, no, I bought this one "in" Indonesia. Then at other times I would do or say things and he would just laugh. He said he had never had anyone joke around so much while he was sticking needles in their back. I thought, well, it was either laugh or cry, so I chose laugh - it is much more fun. And I got his age out of him, but I can't say it on my blog, that wouldn't be fair. But it took a lumbar puncture to get it out of him, I was excited. It was funny.

So, radiation treatments are not that bad. They are beginning to make me a little nauseated and of course the same old very, very tired. All my hair will fall out, and I just got it back again. But oh well, it is beginning to turn cold, so I'm going to look for a good long haired wig - I think. I don't know. I think I'll try to make it fun. These treatments may make me sicker, just because I'm so close behind other treatments. But we'll see.

My number one praise right now is that the Lumbar Puncture came back negative! And I can say that with a little more praise in my voice right now. So, that means that there are NO cancer cells in my spinal fluid!!! Did I say Praise the LORD!! So, no more chemo - at least not right now.

But, my spirit is way, way, down. I am so very tired. My gas tank is on empty. My light is flashing. I told God that I know He gives us all the strength we need and that it is all Him, but that He is going to have to give me something because right now I can't take another step. But I do have great doctors and Friday one of them prayed with me - for God to give me strength.

So, that is the number one thing a need right now. I can't lift anybody up anymore. I want to so bad. I don't want anybody to be sad about this or bring anybody down. I want to work for the Lord. There is so much to do. I know I need to find other ways to do that, and I have already been working toward that direction - this blog is one thing - articles - I wrote my great niece a book - I'm still working on my story (which just so happened to begin 4 years ago Oct. 10th). So, I have some things in mind. Which, if I think about it, I probably should hurry and get them out, because they may be coming out faster than I want them to. My doctor did say I would have short term memory loss with this. So, if my next blog says the same thing - just ignore it! :)

But I need all your arms to hold me up right now. I love you all.

There are several verses that have been coming at me lately:

Matt. 19:26

Josh.1:9

and others about not being afraid. I will share with you as God does, so you can pray them with me.

Again, I love you all and I will keep you updated - probably doubly more now :)

Getting Ready for The Race for the Cure

Run the Race with Endurance"
Hebrew 12:1
I can't believe I have been home every year for the past 4 years in order to be involved with the RACE FOR THE CURE here in Knoxville, Tennessee. The first year I was home just after being diagnosed with breast cancer, it was just right after or right before the Race. So, I missed it - or I would have been here for 5 races. Unbelievable. I didn't plan it that way - but, I assume it was in God's plan that way. And I'm glad it was, because His plans are always better than our plans, even though it doesn't seem that way at the time. At first I wasn't involved, but the more I've been involved with the Race and getting it together and educating others on the importance of taking care of our bodies - these bodies, the only ones God has given us - the more enjoyable it has become. It has become a part of my life now.
The Races are so very important to breast cancer survivors and I think you have to be a survivor to truly understand why. The main goal of the Race is to raise awareness, to educate, to raise money for research - but, and this is a big BUT ( he, he) it also Celebrates those who are still surviving; fighting; and honoring those who survived for as long as God wanted them to survive here on this earth. This Race is very important to those of us who are still here.God has left us here for a reason. So, we must use every day to its fullest and honor Him in all we do. We must glorifiy Him in all we do, etc... I'm pretty sure this applies to all of us and not just breast cancer survivors. Some of those days, it is very hard and

I'm Back!!

Well, I feel like I've been gone for a month or longer - actually it almost has been.
I just went to the doctor and the last thing I know I ended up in the hospital and then ended up in Atlanta for the very tragic funeral of my 22 year old cousin.
Then, while there, was faced with questions from family members that I felt not quite ready to answer. I just asked the Holy Spirit to guide me and asked God to clean up what I messed up. :) It has defintely taught me that I need to be out in the world more today witnessing - just talking and building relationships with people; finding out what they believe and why. And asking God to teach me His Word more so that I will know these answers in ways that people today will understand or will be able to relate to; not something that is foreign to them. I keep telling myself I have an excuse - I've had brain surgery and I'm on medication, so that's why I'm not as sharp as I used to be. :) (No comments from my proffesors on that one)

RACE FOR THE CURE is coming up - it will be on Oct. 28th this year. It is the 10th anniversary and will begin at the World's Fair Site this year. I'm trying to send out emails to everyone, but if you do not get one please go to www.Komenknoxville.org to get signed up for my team - "Kim's Krusaders". Same as before - you can sign up as a team member, but don't have to show up or can show up just for support. You can sign up as "sleep in for the cure" this year". Both of these choices will still get you t-shirts. I also have a Fund raising web page this year and people can just give money that way if they wish. With it being the 10th anniversary, they are asking that each team member give an extra $10.00. So, if you would like to do that, that would be great too.

It is getting late and I must go for now, but Elizabeth has been on to me to make sure I update my Blog so that everyone will know what is going on. So, I'm trying to do that, but it is 2 a.m. and I am falling asleep. So, I will work on it again tomorrow.

Prayer requests (for now)
1. That my new medications will continue to work
2. For my family in the loss of my cousin
3. For my cousin who has still not given his life to the Lord, but seeds are planted
4. For doctors visits that I have this week
5. For things I want to do this week without a car - because I can't drive - for how long - the doctor doesn't know yet. And it's a little hard for me to stay in one place for long. :)

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, all so much for praying and caring. I can feel your prayers and thoughts and hugs.
Kimmie
Matt. 19:26 "With God ALL Things are Possible"

Just a quick update from the "real" Kim. Elizabeth has been filling in for me and will continue when I am not able. - Thank you Elizabeth.

I wanted to update you all on a couple of things and some new prayer requests.
First, I had received some wrong information at first - or rather some information that I'm not sure of yet that we still need to pray for. I'm still not sure that my cousin Alan has given his life to the Lord yet. PTL though, we have had some good discussions. Some where I have wished that I had listened better in Apologetics, etc, classes. :) But the Lord is helping me.

The rest of the family is just "hanging" in there - one day at a time. It is so hard. It is the hardest thing I've ever been this closely involved in.

My health has done wonderful though. Another Praise. My new doctor group is called "HOPE" neurology. Imagine that! And that's what she has given me. I may not get these totally under control, but manageable. But it all worked out just in time for me to come down here.

My Aunt and Uncle's health is poor. They are going to the doctor today. So, that is another prayer.

Most of all Pray that this family will feel the Hand of God in a mighty, mighty way; that His hands surround them; and most of all that HOPE surrounds them, because they feel none of this right now. They are believers, but it's still hard.

Thank you all over and over again for your thoughts and prayers,
Kim

Pray for my family

Please pray for Kim's family this week. Sunday she found out that her little cousin, who lives in Atlanta was killed this weekend. She was 22yrs. old and the only daughter to her cousin. The family is not doing well, as expected. Kim and her sister are going down to be with her family. Kim wants to be with them but knows the stress that this involves which could bring on an MDM. She also does not want her family to worry about her. So please lift up Kim and her family during this week. There are many questions that need to be answered and details tended to.

What to pray for:
1. Kim's family in the loss of their daughter, granddaughter, niece and cousin.
2. Pray Kim would have discernment of what to say especially to her cousin, Alan who just gave his life to the Lord on Sunday night. Pray she would have words of encouragement and a listening ear.
3. Pray Kim would listen to her body and rest when she needs to rest so she does not have an episode.
4. Pray for their travel down to Atlanta and back.

Race for The Cure

The Komen Knoxville Race for The Cure is coming up on October 28, 2006. By participating in the Komen Knoxville Race for the Cure® I've joined the fight against breast cancer so that one day we will find a cure! Please help me reach my fundraising goal by making an online donation TODAY...

Please note all donations to Komen Knoxville Race for the Cure® are tax deductible and you will automatically receive an electronic gift acknowledgment once your donation has been processed.
For additional information about the Knoxville Affiliate of the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation or if you too would like to register as a participant in this year's race, please visit www.komenknoxville.org.

You can also visit my personal fundraising page by clicking on the title Race for The Cure at the top.

Also you can join us by walking in the race!

Much Love,
Kim


Video Hosting - Upload Video - Video Sharing
Video Hosting - Upload Video - Video Sharing

Kim says hello!

Kim would like to say hello to everyone out there. Right now she is in the hospital again. This is the second time in two months. After her first cyber knife she had some unexplained tremors/movements and the doctors didn't know why. Well she has had these "episodes" a few times and each time is hospitalized for about a week. Well this last time she was sent to a new doctor, who she loves, and is hard at work trying to find a medicine that will stop them. The doctor said the "episodes" are called Muscle Disorder Movements (we'll call it MDM for short). These movements were caused during the first cyber knife - some nerve was hit or something that causes them. (ok that's not the medical lingo but I'm trying!) These movements can be brought on by stress and headaches.

Well after being in the hospital since Thursday the doctor gives Kim hope that MDM can be controlled which is great news! Kim is thrilled that she will be able to overcome this and it won't interfere with daily living. The doctor has been trying out some new medicines on her to see which one works. One of them gives her energy. This is good because Kim seems to running short on that lately. But once she leaves the hospital she will need to stay with someone or someone stay with her for two weeks. She will also not be allowed to drive for quite sometime.

After talking to Kim tonight on the phone she is sounding positive. She is excited that with medicine she will be able to overcome MDM.

Things to pray for:

1. Kim has many questions for the doctor about the medicine, can diet help with MDM, are there other things she can do to help her cope, etc. So pray she gets a clear response from the doctor. Also if there are other questions pray she asks them.

2. Pray the doctor finds the right medicine and can get it regulated so the movements stop.

3. Pray for Kim as she has to stay with someone for two weeks. Also pray as she will have to rely on others for transportation. This is very frustrating when you are used to going, going, going!

4. Pray Kim would continued to be encouraged. The news she got is wonderful in that it is not more cancer! PTL! But continual doctor's visits can be weighing at times. Pray her times in The Word are refreshing and uplifting.

Sometimes we are at a loss for words to pray. Thank our Savior He is interceding for us on our behalf! Also when those times come praying God's Word gives us those word's. Here are a few you can start with:

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.

Philippians 4:4

"Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!"

Psalm 107:1

"I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies."

Psalm 18:1-3

"May he grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans! May we shout for joy over your salvation, and in the name of our God set up our banners! May the LORD fulfill all your petitions! Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed; he will answer him from his holy heaven with the saving might of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. "

Psalm 20:4-7

Leaving for a Much Needed Vacation!!

I will be leaving tomorrow (Sunday) for the beach with my friend Wendy. She has graciously paid for us to go to a resort/spa in Florida for the week. We will be back on Friday.
I am so excited to be getting away for a while. To rest, relax, recover, and to rejoice over how God has been working in my life. And to spend time with God in prayer and in His word.

Please pray for our trip:
- for safety
- for rest
- for good time with God
- for our families - that God will keep them safe and healthy while we are gone

Thank you all again for your continued support and prayers. I am so very blessed.

Party pictures are still coming and I will have beach pictures to add to that. I promise! :)

I will update you all on how God is speaking to me now and leading. Pray that I will hear from Him clearly. Most of all, pray that others will see God shining brightly in me in all that I do and say at all times. I am only here because of Him.

"With God all things are possible." !!!! Matthew 19:26

Much love and blessings,
Kim